I need a new conspiracy!

I have been thinking... I know. Anyway, I know for a fact that aliens exist and they walk secretly among us and feed off of our psychic energies, which is why we have deja vu. I am more than certain that vaccines given to us by the government as children have tracking devices and mind altering chemicals in them. The Rothchild's, Getty's, Rockefeller's, and the queen are leaders of an economic syndicate that control all of the world's economies to keep us enslaved. And yes, I have accepted the fact that Jesus probably was married and his progeny became the Merovingian Kings who ruled France for centuries only to have the remaining sole survivor be a young female pacifist. I get all of it. But I have got to tell you... I really need something new. I want a brand new conspiracy! No 2012 does not count. It is very much the opposite of "new". Hello, freakin' Mayan calendar! Old news. I am going to have to invent something new... any ideas?