Hasn't this communication thing gone far enough?

Ok. So I just got a text from my iPhone letting me know that I can now MMS on my phone if I install the latest update. I know this has been lacking in the iPhone but at the same time I am not sure I get it... How many different ways of communicating about the same trite stuff we are all living is really necessary? I can call, text, mms, email, facebook, twitter, skype, loopt, rss, youtube, and oh yeah, that crappy old voicemail, JUST ON ONE DEVICE! Isn't that borderline ridiculous? Interestingly enough almost everyone I talk to, when I ask "what are you up to?" They respond, "nothing. Just hanging out."

Oh yeah and just in case all of the BS aforementioned is not enough capacity for our amazingly interesting lives to convey all of the amazing crap we are up to... we can blog.

I need a new conspiracy!

I have been thinking... I know. Anyway, I know for a fact that aliens exist and they walk secretly among us and feed off of our psychic energies, which is why we have deja vu. I am more than certain that vaccines given to us by the government as children have tracking devices and mind altering chemicals in them. The Rothchild's, Getty's, Rockefeller's, and the queen are leaders of an economic syndicate that control all of the world's economies to keep us enslaved. And yes, I have accepted the fact that Jesus probably was married and his progeny became the Merovingian Kings who ruled France for centuries only to have the remaining sole survivor be a young female pacifist. I get all of it. But I have got to tell you... I really need something new. I want a brand new conspiracy! No 2012 does not count. It is very much the opposite of "new". Hello, freakin' Mayan calendar! Old news. I am going to have to invent something new... any ideas?

What a day...

Y'know many things in life are certain. Most are not... (a moment to ponder this deeply...this is important for the rest of this story). The problem with things that are not certain is that they are often seen as a bad thing. New stuff is scary. Think about the unexpected in life. You never expect to get hit by a car... and then you do. It sucks I imagine. I can't say, I have not experienced it. It would be very unexpected. And yet think about the great things in life... winning the lottery! Some people actually see this happening. They buy tickets like they expect it and are ticked when they do not. Weird. I am going to start expecting the unexpected. ...and visa versa.

sleep...

Is it really possible to get enough? Why was I not consulted on this shift from an agrarian society???

...y'know THAT guy.

Y'know that guy who always seems to have something to say and it is always about how what he did that weekend was only slightly cooler than what you did? And when he ate at that one restaurant is tasted just slightly better. And the first time he went fishing he caught a fish just a little bit bigger and it fought just a little bit harder.

Yeah... that guy is a prick.

My brain...

I had a conversation with my brain this morning. Seems it is beginning to seize up. Turns out it has "sleep requirements". That is soooo bush league! Just like my brain to pull lame crap like that.

Homeless people are not all they are cracked up to be

A wise person said to me today, "Homeless people are not all they are cracked up to be". I laughed for probably five minutes.

The sick part is that they were trying to tell me about how they tried to help a homeless man and things went a little awry. My question is this... what has happened to my mind that in the midst of a story about help and generosity my mind takes .004 seconds to laugh about homeless people being "cracked up". Is it because I was weened on MAD magazine and left college with a degree in Seinfeld? It is odd how sad and funny can inhabit the same space at the same time. For example, say someone's mother was dancing on a table at a wedding and she lost her footing and fell off the table and slammed into a folding chair only to have the folding chair collapse and hit her after the fall. I may wonder if she was ok and have a mild hesitation as I held my hand to my face and shook while I laughed. I mention it because that was on America's Funniest Home Videos and I literally shook with laughter for a bit too long. Seriously. It was really funny. ... and of course some kids dad got hit in the junk with a softball. Classic pain humor.

...and an order of cheese fries.

There is a commercial that states, "Training Table is a Utah Original". It got me thinking about some of the other things that might be a Utah original... Driving in the far left lane for distance as opposed to speed. Certainly a Utah Original. Look I love this forsaken spot of ground as much as the next guy, at least the months that are NOT winter (all six of them). I am just saying is it too much to ask that we all follow the same driving rules as the remainder of the country. I swear the far right is the best and often only way to pass anyone. And just try to flash someone to let them know you would like to move past... you may as well decalre them a Hatfield to your McCoy! Honestly, nothing is meant by the flash it is a communication not a direct insult at you and your family. And if you are wondering at this point if I had an interesting commute home because I tried to use the left lane, yes. That is exactly what happened. There I am driving down the road having a conversation on the phone while driving a stick shift in traffic and trying to switch the station and this guy can't have the decency to move over! Seriously, like I don't have enough to do!!!

Sunday Night Angst

Y'know when I was a kid there was a very cool (says me) TV show called Space 1999. It was about a future were humans were constantly romping about the galaxies and humanity was dedicated to learning and growth and some such baloney. Same thing of course applies to Star Trek, Earth 2, PBS, and other "the past sucked, the future rules!" shows.

So what does it mean that we are now in 2009 and we still subsist in essentially the same manner as the ancient Chinese and the Romans? Sure we have indoor plumbing and video games and fantastic blogs now but really not much has changed in the human condition despite what Oprah thinks. We are still "nasty, brutish, and short" so to speak. Aren't we supposed to be a society of peace-loving intellectuals with robots to do all of the laborious things we simply do not want to do? I know that this vision of the future will only last until our robot slaves turn on their masters and gather us up to use as batteries, but certainly that will be way after my time... right?

Maybe I should just get it over with and start going in to work on Sunday nights... 'course that would just jack up the mornings.